There is Nothing Good or Bad; but Thinking Makes it So

This quote from Hamlet reminds me of a few recent situations.

I was at a dinner with a former colleague the other day. We worked together several years ago at a large corporation. A smart and thoughtful man, we had a nice chat and enjoyed talking about the old office politics, people who were fairly treated and not and annoying bosses.

As the conversation progressed, I realized that he was still upset about some of the unfair treatment that went on. He remembered everything that happened vividly as though it were yesterday where for me it was quite fuzzy and distant. I remember being annoyed back at the time that it happened, but I had let it go – and moved on. The fuzziness of it for me somehow soothed the memories. When I rehashed memories about some unfairness that I experienced, I felt annoyed, but the upsettedness passed quickly and was soon replaced with other thoughts. On the other hand, my friend seemed rather distressed about it.

I find the same is true for other people in my life who have not let go of past pain from family members and loved ones. It seems, when someone hurts you, they can hurt you in two ways – right now… and persistently in the future. If you don’t somehow let go and move on… you let the pain that the person put you through persist and persist. They hurt you originally, and they continue to hurt you. That’s just not fair! Forgiving them, and forgiving yourself for putting yourself in that situation are both important early steps. Although I know from experience that sometimes it takes several tries. The thinking of something in the past makes it persist in being bad.

Manophobia

The other night I was out with my boyfriend at a restaurant (right before seeing Cloverfield, which was excellent BTW) and a guy sitting at the next table kept looking at me. Now – I don’t mind when men look at me – usually I take it as a compliment. And, when men hit on me, I am cool with it. Even though I am dating someone now – how are they supposed to know? I was way too chicken to ask people out when I was single – so I respect it as long as it is in good taste which usually it is. But, that night there was a guy who was just staring at me at every chance he could get. I looked at my own shirt to see if anything was hanging out, but it wasn’t. I was just wearing a conservative button down shirt and pants that night (not that it should make a difference anyway).

Also, my boyfriend and I are pretty affectionate with each other, so it was strange that this guy did not get the hint. As the looks continued, I tried to make it clear that I was not interested in him with body language, but to no avail.

So – I asked my boyfriend to please turn around and glare at the guy, so he would stop. But, it didn’t make a difference. He kept staring and staring all the way through dessert. At the end of the dinner my boyfriend (so I heard second-hand from him, I was around the corner by then) went up to the starer and stood closely to him and stared at him while saying nothing. The starer’s friends started to notice, and he said “can I help you?”, my boyfriend said “let me ask you a question, do you like being stared at?” the guy said no to which he replied “keep that in mind” and he walked out the door. The guy was clearly embarrassed.

I am not making a big deal out of this little vignette – a guy like that is so common that it is not even worth a story (even on a blog ;) !)– except for the sweet and colorful reaction from my boyfriend. But, there have been a few incidents in the past year… a guy not leaving me alone in the 24-hour-grocery-store parking lot then following my car home  after I was picking up cat food for example. Don’t I have the right to go and get cat food after a late night working for god’s sake?

As women, we tend to think that there is this unknown, dangerous presence around as though it was a natural phenomenon… but really, they are just men. And calling them on it and making them feel embarrassed takes the power away from the feeling of helplessness that a woman can feel. Obviously, I could not call the guy in the parking lot for safety reasons – but my boyfriend’s heroic effort at the bar the other night was a good example. But sadly, even when the situation isn’t particularly dangerous, we are just to passive and nice (esp Canadians) to do anything about it.

Disarming that dangerous presence would take a humongous effort and a radical change in our gender roles… but imagine what the world would be like if a woman could feel safe wherever she went… even to a restaurant or a grocery store.   

Reviving Ophelia – Helping Young Girls be the Authors of their Own Lives

I found this to be a very interesting overview of the book that I am listening to Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher. It is about how our popular culture is poisonous to young girls.

You Have to Suffer to be Beautiful

I try to avoid celebrity magazines and news as much as possible… but lately it is hard to avoid the conversations surrounding them. The thing that I hate the most about these magazines, is that they mostly depict young women (Brittany Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan etc) humiliating themselves. Yes, there are some men there, but the vast majority are women… young women AND the vast majority of the consumers of these magazines are women.

I wonder why on one hand, we have this standard of beauty that is unattainable by most of the population (skinny, big boobs, plastic surgery etc) and then we relish seeing these people humiliate themselves? Is it jealousy (we think we see our husbands/boyfriends attracted to these women then are happy that they are so flawed) or some sort of female self-loathing – women hating women?

Why is there, everywhere we go, images of woman humiliating themselves… without balanced images of men doing the same thing? These celebrity news items are on TV, on the internet news sites,  at the check-outs, in the newspapers, and flashed on screens in elevators and subways. Why do we need to see anyone humiliating themselves? I hate that that imagery is such a hallmark of our popular culture… and it bothers me to think about what that does to how young girls see themselves.

A New Way to Think of Entrepreneurship from Dr. Yunus

I am reading the biography of Mohammad Yunus, the father of Micro credit with much interest. At the heart of Micro credit (advancing small loans to people with no credit history or capital) is the idea that the poor can lift themselves out of their own circumstances using entrepreneurship.

This is counter to how some see the poor -  people who do not want to work. Others see the poor as victims of the flaws or inequality in the system – that the poor are especially powerless to change. The approach is then to pump more money into the system to give the poor a chance. Essentially, there are two options – either you go to work for someone or you accept hand-outs. Yunus is putting forward a third option – being self-employed.

In Micro credit programs undertaken in the US for example, Yunus said that there was disincentive to become entrepreneurs from the government in the form of reduction in welfare payments and other welfare benefits. He also says the administrative burden of businesses in the West is high, making it difficult for non-professional to start businesses. Any entrepreneurship programs that do exist, are based on training which he thinks is not necessary

In Canada in particular, I find there is a general distrust of business, and people with conscience want to stay away. He makes an interesting point:

I am not a capitalist in the simplistic left/right sense. But I do believe in the power of the global free-market economy and in using capitalist tools. I believe in the power of the free market and the power of capital in the marketplace. I also believe that providing unemployment benefits is not the best way to address poverty. The able-bodied poor don’t want or need charity. The dole only increases their misery, robs them of incentive and, more important, of self-respect.*

He continues on a justification of using private-sector means to help the poor:

We can condemn the private sector for all its mistakes, but we cannot justify why we ourselves are not trying to change things, not trying to make things better by participating in the economy. The private sector, unlike the government, is open to everyone, even those not interested in making a profit.

The challenge I set before anyone who condemns the private-sector business is this: If you are a socially conscious person, why don’t you run your business in a way that will help achieve social objectives?

I agree with his point. The government is very hierarchical and naturally authoritative, where as entrepreneurship is free and creative.

I am proposing two changes to this basic feature of capitalism. The first change relates to this overblown image of the capitalist entrepreneur. To me, an entrepreneur is not an especially gifted person. I rather take the reverse view. I believe that all human beings are potential entrepreneurs. Some of us get the opportunity to express this talent, but many of us never get the chance because we were made to imagine that an entrepreneur is someone enormously gifted and different from ourselves.

If all of us started to view every single human being, even the barefooted one begging in the street as a potential entrepreneur, man or woman to explore his or her economic potential, the old wall between entrepreneurs and laborers would disappear. It would become a matter of personal choice whether an individual wanted to become an entrepreneur or a wage earner.

Who would have thought… an almost Marxist justification of entrepreneurship. I obviously don’t think that Micro credit and entrepreneurship are the catch-all solutions to global poverty. The political issues such as corruption and wars, environmental issues and system, race and gender inequalities still exist and contribute to the problem. But I find Yunus’s approach a refreshing contribution to solving the poverty problem.

*All references are from pages 205-207 of Banker to the Poor by Muhammad Yunus

TED – Lunchtime Fun for Intellectuals

My naturopath said that I had "too much heat" this winter. When I asked her to explain, she said it was something like too much stress, excitement etc. When I told her about my lifestyle, she said that I am trying to do too much and I should just relax. I told her that mostly I can’t, since my business is at the stage that it is at, but there have been some small changes.

One thing she insisted on, was that I don’t work while I eat. This is impossible for when I have a business meeting, but when I am just doing writing and research work, such as today… okay.

With perfect timing, a friend of mine sent me an interesting new site full of lectures called TED. Today I watched Industrial Design icon Philippe Starck talk about the meaning of life when you are a designer (of toothbrushes and toilet brushes) and Daniel Goleman, the father of  Emotional Intelligence talk about why we aren’t more compassionate. Not a bad lunchtime activity! Maybe you should try it, and turn down that heat a little bit.

Outsourcing Your Life but the World is Still Round Last Time I Checked

I was reading this story originally published in Esquire magazine, about outsourcing your life, where one of the editors outsources his life to India. He outsources his editorial research, his online shopping and even his phone calls to parents reading stories to his son and settling arguments with his wife. In the story, the author A.J. Jacobs outsources his apology to his wife, Julie to his Indian personal assistant, Asha:

Hello Asha,

My wife got annoyed at me because I forgot to get cash at the automatic
bank machine. . . . I wonder if you could tell her that I love her, but
gently remind her that she too forgets things — she has lost her wallet
twice in the last month. And she forgot to buy nail clippers for
Jasper.
AJ

I can’t tell you what a thrill I got from sending that note.
It’s pretty hard to get much more passive-aggressive than bickering
with your wife via an email from a subcontinent halfway around the
world.

The next morning, Asha CC’d me on the email she sent to Julie.

Julie

Do understand your anger that I forgot to pick up the cash at the
automatic machine. I have been forgetful and I am sorry about that.


But I guess that doesn’t change the fact that I love you so much. . . .

Love
AJ


P. S. This is Asha mailing on behalf of Mr. Jacobs.

As if that weren’t enough, she also sent Julie an e-card. I
click on it: two teddy bears embracing, with the words "Anytime you
need a hug, I’ve got one for you. . . . I’m sorry."

Damn! My outsourcers are too friggin’ nice! They kept the apology part
but took out my little jabs. They are trying to save me from myself.
They are superegoing my id. I feel castrated.

Julie, on the other hand, seems quite pleased: "That’s nice, sweetie. I forgive you."

Disappointingly, the article is sexist at times but A.J. has an interesting point at the end about Honey, his other personal assistant and the economy in general:


The point is, she’s got talent. If Honey is a guide, the Indian
workforce can be just as innovative and aggressive as the American, so
the "benefits" might not be so beneficial. Us high-end types will be as
vulnerable as assembly-line workers. (Friedman’s other pro-outsourcing
argument seems more persuasive — that free trade will open up the huge
Chinese and Indian markets to American exports.)

He concludes:


Yes, America, we’re cooked.

I think an article like this gets to the heart of the outsourcing dilemma. However, I think it is exaggerated. The premise of the article was based on Thomas Friedman’s book, The World is Flat, which is a about how we are getting a more level playing field in global economy due to the technological, economic and sociological shifts.

The book and the premise that it is based on has been criticized by Economists and Political Scientists alike. The fact is, 90% of the world’s phone calls, web traffic and investments are local – so it seems the world is still quite round. Professor Michael Veseth argues in his article The World is Flat? Globaloney

Government, I think, it the ultimate reason the world remains
persistently round. Brazil is a country blessed by natural and human
wealth. In a truly flat world, Brazil would be filthy rich. But Brazil
has been cursed by decades of bad government, and that has created an
environment where it’s nearly impossible to start a business, much less
develop one that can compete in the global marketplace.

The world is in fact filled with cultural, natural, political and
economic barriers that keep individuals and nations from competing on a
level playing field.

So – even though a guy can outsource his life for a week, the world is still as round… at the moment.   

Great Low-Cost Image Site – Dreamstime

I recently got this site from a designer-friend. It is a way to get royalty-free images for about $1/piece. The site is community-based – each photographer/illustrator gets a cut of the revenue from their photos. From what I have seen, the quality of the photos are excellent. It’s about time!!! Here is the link:

Dreamstime

Racism Under the Banner of Branding – India and Jaguar

My inbox if full of discussion on India’s Tata taking over Jaguar. I was sent an interesting article from Time Magazine about  how traditional white brands are reacting to mergers and acquisitions from Indian companies. One of my friends mentioned that there is a similar problem for Chinese companies. No one ever questions the ability (or right) of Western companies to
buy out firms in developing countries, but people get upset when it
goes the other direction. Every time a Chinese firm tries to buy out a
Western one, people worry about Chinese imperialism.

The Time article talks about how when the India luxury chain Taj received a letter from the Orient Express that its overtures were not welcome. Indian Hotels Vice-Chairman R. K. Krishna Kumar wrote that he was offended by the letter.

White’s letter, he says, "will go down as one of the most uncivilized
exchanges of views between two companies in the 21st century." Its
sentiments, Kumar says, reflect "an era that is now prehistoric."

India’s Economic times was later quoted as saying:

The days of "white supremacy are disappearing rapidly, and white brand
value with it," the piece went on. "When Arab financiers are needed to
rescue Citigroup, notions of white cachet seem ludicrous."

Orient Express said that the statement had more to do with branding than anything else. As a Marketer, I can’t disagree more. My thinking is that if an Indian company can make Jaguar make good cars again, then that will be good for the brand – who cares where the improvements come from. And by the way, being an intolerant global brand in today’s world… is totally off-brand.

Career Focused Survey

Hello, I am doing a survey for one of my clients around careers. Follow this link to take it:

LINK

I am also giving away a $25 Chapters/Indigo Gift Certificate for one lucky winner (they have an online store as well for those out of Canada). Hope you are having a great New Year!