I saw this great video on Ted today. Neuroanatomist Dr. Jill Bolt Taylor had a stroke, and was able to study it as it was happening from a left-brain/right-brain perspective. It is a little bit unusual, but a beautiful talk with a lot of heart. Enjoy.
The sun on the fruits and vegetables in Chinatown. The oranges stand out like the highlighted portions of a university student’s English notes.
Standing there, looking at the giant mobile of geese. Someone was taking a picture. A person from a smaller town from what I could tell from his hair-cut.
These are a couple of my homework assignments from the writing course I am taking at U of T. We are supposed to go around with home made journals. Some people make them out of bank books, other people just staple a bunch of paper together. It is cute to see the journals come out – they look like the broken toys in Toy Story. We are all recording different things that we see in day-to-day life. What we see, what we say, what we overhear others saying. The theory is that those things can later become great pieces of writing. Every class we read two pages of double-spaced writing to the class – taking the journal exerpts, and also taking inspiration from great authors that we study.
My teacher is an amazing writer named Michael Winter. Never having taken a creative writing course in my life, I was very intimidated by the idea of reading my stuff in public (I guess my decade + of web writing is public, but not the same). Winter, a Newfoundlander without any sort of ego ax to grind and a very, very creative imagination takes all of the intimidation out of it. There are always feedback sessions, and things that we can improve on, but somehow the feedback is given in such a kind way that it is welcomed. Every week I am seeing my classmates all become better and better writers in their own way. It is actually quite amazing.
It has been a tough winter for me, but my little writing class has been the bright spot. I have thought a lot about how we learn things. I spent so much time in classes where I was trying to figure out systems and procedures to get good grades with the least effort – but this is different. I don’t want to use the least amount of effort in this class – it is fun to work on the assignments and plan for the next one. It is fun to connect with the other students and hear their inventions. It has awakened something in me – something alive and interesting. Something I lost somewhere among those Accounting courses and working my way through my undergrad Quality Controlling reports at a large multinational consulting firm.
I was afraid that the course would be all about structure and rules and would make me write like a robot, but it wasn’t at all – although I understand from students that do this a lot that that this is an unusually creative creative writing course 
. I get the feeling that I had beginners luck and found the best possible course on the first try. If you are thinking of taking a course like this… go for it!
In March 1987 Monk Thich Nhat Hanh wrote a little book (the latest on Amazon is 115 pages and only 5.8 onces) called Being Peace. The main idea of the book is that instead of violently fighting for peace in angry peace demonstrations, people should simply find peace within themselves. It would then pass on like a virus. Similar to Ghandi’s message of "You must be the change you want to see in the world" – the peace of one willful person could perhaps create a chaos-theory like effect that resonates around the earth.
So – as a daily meditator, and secular spiritual seeker, I practice "being peace" in my daily life with varying degrees of success. Even though I read the book years ago, I still think of the concept all the time. Of being what you want the world to be, instead of demanding from the world the things that you want. Even though I am wording it a bit aggressively, think about it – people do it all the time. Imagine living your life in this framework: I want respect. Be respect. I want happiness. Be happiness. I want love. Be love. I want the world to be at peace. Be peace.
Now, I am trying to save for a decent down-payment on a mortgage while running my little marketing start-up. So – on top of being happy, being respectful, being peace etc. etc., I have to also practice being cheap. For example, tonight I made my own bread crumbs for my chicken dish with my bare hands instead of buying them from the store. This is amazing both because I am not going to a restaurant for my chicken and because I am thinking about the cost of ingredients. Being cheap in a lot of ways is being the change that I want to see in the world – since it is consuming less is environmentally sound.
Tonight I went out for tea – which was the most frugal thing I could think of. And – on the way I looked at all of the stores and restaurants – all begging for me to buy something – magazines, candies, drinks etc. etc. I looked at all of the chocolate things at the Starbucks asking to be bought. The chic brown boot and hat combination a woman was wearing were giving me clothes shopping ideas. People in warm restaurants eating fine foods and in bars sharing drinks, made me want the same. Day-dreams of the cute red car I want right now instead of my dented black VW were hard to suppress.
The flowers on the sidewalk outside of the store were beckoning me with their beauty – and dammit, I failed my little cheap mission and ended up getting some beautiful pink tulips to brighten up the apt – but $4.99 plus taxes isn’t bad compared to the car I am lusting after. I am understanding more and more about why people call shopping an addiction – one our whole city, country or even world is hooked on but no government wants to hold us back because consumer spending is so important to the economy. Well, maybe they want to hold us back if we are defaulting on our mortgage… or going bankrupt – but that is still the exception (I hope).
Yes, it is hard to be cheap in Toronto, the heart of Canada’s consumer economy – and I am sure it is the same in cities across the world. But if more of us practiced a bit of being cheap and stopped buying all that deliciously sexily attractive but unneeded stuff and gave the extra to loved-ones, investments, charity, the future, more free time, new creations etc… it could make quite a difference in the environment… and in lives.
I saw the nicest movie ever when I was on the plane from Paris. Totally a tear-jerker. It was about two strangers going through relationship hell, trying to make it work. The leading woman, Zhao Wei, was just the sweetest, gentlest thing ever and the leading man, Masahiro Motoki was very well played as well. Seeing them connect despite the language barrier (she, Chinese, he, Japanese) was somehow one of the most precious things I have ever seen. If you ever feel like you’ll never find love again… watch this film!!! You’ll change your mind!!!
A Tibetan refugee once told me about the Chinese "school" he was
required to attend as a youngster growing up in Tibet. The mornings
were devoted to indoctrination and study of Chairman Mao’s "little red
book". The afternoons were devoted to reporting on various homework
assignments. The "homework" was generally devised to eradicate the
deeply ingrained spirit of Buddhism among the Tibetan people. For
example, knowing about the Buddhist prohibition against killing and the
belief that every living creature is equally a precious "sentient
being," one schoolteacher assigned his students the task of killing
something and bringing it to school the following day. The students
were graded. Each dead animal was given a certain point value – a fly
was worth one point, a worm – two, a mouse – five, a cat – ten, and so
on.
more obvious? I hope that some diplomatic action will be taken soon – because I am not sure if the recommendations from various heads of state for the Chinese to focus on diplomacy with Tibetans will be enough.
*P 184 of this edition.
Today, I have had read about two women, one American and one Canadian, who are still saying that women are inferior to men, and we should simply accept it. Well, I am not going to sit there, and let these pathetic women tell my two little nieces that they are inferior to anyone else simply because of their genders. I have to believe, that these two women are arguing this way because they have some sort of self-esteem issue. They have heard the negative messages about women, and they have believed them and now they choose to spread the word, and somehow, they got people to publish their self-loathing. I am not going to offer counter-points, since they are all over the web already – but I will give you links.
1st Place – Female Self-Loathing – Charlotte Allen
Article: We Scream, We Swoon, How Dumb Can We Get?
Published by: The Washington Post
Quotes:
"Depressing as it is, several of the supposed misogynist myths about female inferiority have been proven true."
"I am perfectly willing to admit that I myself am a classic case of
female mental deficiencies. I can’t add 2 and 2 (well, I can, but then
what?). I don’t even know how many pairs of shoes I own."
Counterpoint:
Pandagon – Shorter Charlotte Allen
"She might as well have typed, over and over, “Women suck, oh my god,
women suck, I hate women so much, doesn’t everyone hate women, how can
women not just commit suicide they are so intolerable?” I’m sort of
stunned. She can’t actually think this about women so thoroughly—the
cognitive dissonance between hating women so much and being one would
probably send her babbling to the corner, shaking and rocking, unable
to form complete sentences."
2nd Place – Female Self-Loathing – Susan Pinker 
Book: The Sexual Paradox
Published by: Scribner
Book Premise:
"The hormones predominant in men lead to action, focus and, often, to
competitive and rigidly hierarchical professions such as law. Women’s
hormones lead them to focus on empathy and social interaction, and
careers as teachers or social workers. Thus, despite their early
advantages—girls have better language skills and discipline, while boys
are more prone to dyslexia, autism and Asperger syndrome and other
difficulties—women tend not to seek out the highest status or the most
lucrative careers."
Counterpoint
The Vancouver Sun
"She is quick to dismiss gender discrimination as a cause of these
disparities, instead giving examples of attempts that non-traditional
industries have been making to attract women. However, study after
study shows that discrimination is still an important factor in women’s
lack of advancement in non-traditional sectors. In fact, a 2007 report
by the UN’s International Labor Organization found that around the
world, women are hampered by labour discrimination that keeps them from
top positions in their fields."
Conclusion:
“The puzzle is why the idea of sex differences continues to be so controversial,” the New York Times quotes Pinker. To me, it is not saying that men and women that are different that is annoying. It is the idea that women are different than men, and should therefore accept lower pay and lower status. It is especially annoying, since this is coming from women themselves! God – we are still in a revolution here – we can’t give up now when we have come this far! So – you can go ahead and hate yourselves Charlotte and Susan. Me and my nieces are going to love ourselves, keep being ambitious, acknowledge and fight discrimination when we see it and keep shooting for more lucrative careers.
Well, I am back from Paris… it was simply the best trip possible. I rented an apartment from www.feelparis.com in the heart of the city. I met up with people from all over the world. I danced, I ate, I drank, I saw… I even kicked a hotel where my friend’s husband brought his mistress. Yes, the trip had a little bit of everything.
As a bit of an unusual twist on the blog, I am adding a little short essay I wrote about the trip. It isn’t 100% true – ie. people knew I was away, he didn’t cheat on me, he just broke up with me and there was no hat. Enjoy.
“Yes, and that is why people from all over the world come to see her,” I overheard, a black-haired guide speaking in French. “People want to know that true beauty in a woman is not about having everything put together perfectly. Beauty is spontaneous… a kind of imperfect perfection.”
I looked at the statue of Venus de Milo – she is imperfect by today’s standards, that is for sure. She looks like the way my body looks like after the winter, when I have been eating a lot of chocolate and drive-thru, working too much, sitting at my desk too much and going to the gym not enough… and my stomach sticks out over the top of my jeans. “Muffin top” is what my friend Tori calls that little piece of fat which Venus would have if she wore jeans. The statue’s hair is not too stylish either in its stringy pony-tail. Yet people from around the world come and see her – because she is beautiful.
I walk alone through the hallways of Paris’s the Louvre, wearing a sweatshirt, a too-big coat and baggy jeans. No, I didn’t want to stand out here. I could not let anyone know that I was thousands of miles away from anyone that loved me… and that no one knew that I was there. That I ran away from my life. A friend of mine from highschool once ran away from home, and she said that the first rule of running away is that you cannot share that fact with anyone – people are more likely to take advantage of you when you have no one nearby that cares for you.
“Well, maybe in the place where she is from, that hairstyle is cool?” said a woman in Japanese. I turned around to see her – she was wearing tight jeans, pointy boots and a shiny purse that likely cost thousands of dollars. She and her friend burst out in laughter. I realized that they were looking at me and talking about my messy chignon. I touched my hair self-consciously.
“Excuse me…” said a young Japanese man with thick black glasses and a scrappy little beard in faltering, hesitant English. “Could you take a photo?” After saying “sure, no problem,” I noticed that he was posing with those two cats who were making fun of me!!!
“Yes,” I responded in Japanese – with all the confidence I could muster. “I want to see all of your beautiful smiles – say cheese!” The girls looked surprised and very ashamed. How could they have guessed that I was an exchange student for two years in Tokyo? “Now…” I said gesturing at my head, “maybe you guys can give me some hairstyling advice – I know – it is so terrible!” They all laughed loudly – and complimented me on my Japanese language skills.
The four of us ended up going for dinner than to drinks together. On the way, the girls suggested that maybe the best solution for my hair troubles was to buy a hat – so I got a big white floppy one. “You look so pretty in your hat. You are a beautiful woman!” said one of them. “Why are you here in Paris by yourself – you should have a boyfriend!”
I told them that I had a boyfriend until few weeks ago. I caught him cheating on me with his ex-wife. The trip was my way of escaping my life. I felt like my life was becoming a monument to my sadness and to what had been lost. I wanted to see other monuments instead – to beauty, to freedom, to happiness. I didn’t say that last part in Japanese though, since I don’t know how to say monument, and I think these guys were too young and sweet to get it.
“Alone in the city of love – it is so sad,” said one of the girls.
“But, no – somehow right now, I feel not sad for the first time in months.” I switched to English “I feel better now – just hanging out with you guys – practicing French and Japanese and being interested in my own life. It is not quite the life I dreamed of – but it is imperfect and beautiful – like the statue where we met…” They smiled.
In the clip I have here, it ends with Pausch getting a giant birthday cake rolled out for his wife, because he felt bad that he was so busy preparing for the lecture that he did not have time for her (her birthday was the day before). He had the entire audience sing "happy birthday" to her and she tearfully blows out the candles. I imagine she will be replaying that memory long after Pausch is gone. It seemed so incredibly selfless for a person to care about his wife’s birthday when he only had a short time left to live.
Some of the other highlights are:
- "brick walls let us show our dedication"
- "remember to be playful and always have fun" – even though he is dying soon he is still having fun
- "it’s not only about living your own childhood dreams, it’s about empowering others to live their dreams as well."
What a person! For other links, you can see:
- the full version (over an hour)
- the Oprah version (10 minutes)
Enjoy…
I found this article by Glori Steinem in the New York Times archives today about how the barrier for women is more pervasive than the barrier for men. I have been thinking a lot about this during the Clinton vs. Obama primaries and was happy to see an article about it.
At the heart of the article, is why racial equality seems to happen quicker than gender equality:
Black men were given the vote a half-century before women of any race
were allowed to mark a ballot, and generally have ascended to positions
of power, from the military to the boardroom, before any women (with
the possible exception of obedient family members in the latter).
Of course, it is important to note that we want to work towards equality for everyone, but for some reason women who are fighting for their own rights and the rights of others are greeted with more disdain than people fighting for equality among the races.
So why is the sex barrier not taken as seriously as the racial one? The
reasons are as pervasive as the air we breathe: because sexism is still
confused with nature as racism once was; because anything that affects
males is seen as more serious than anything that affects “only” the
female half of the human race; because children are still raised mostly
by women (to put it mildly) so men especially tend to feel they are
regressing to childhood when dealing with a powerful woman; because
racism stereotyped black men as more “masculine” for so long that some
white men find their presence to be masculinity-affirming (as long as
there aren’t too many of them); and because there is still no “right”
way to be a woman in public power without being considered a
you-know-what.
The most powerful statement in the article is the first sentence below:
But what worries me is that he is seen as unifying by his race while she is seen as divisive by her sex.
What
worries me is that she is accused of “playing the gender card” when
citing the old boys’ club, while he is seen as unifying by citing civil
rights confrontations.
Well, hopefully it will take less than a half-century to sort this one out.
Well, it is that time of year again, the dreaded Valentines Day. Last year, I talked about how I liked to call Valentine’s Singles Awareness Day. I started dating my ex-boyfriend shortly after Valentine’s last year, but unfortunately we broke up on Monday. If we believed in Valentine’s more, maybe we could have stuck in the relationship just a few days longer, but no – it didn’t work.
So – I have been feeling terrible – as though I was hit by a truck… but somehow still meeting people, getting client work done and dragging myself out to the gym. This morning, I woke up thinking "why god, why?" I don’t really believe in her, but sometimes I ask her questions in times of need.
But – I am insisting to myself not to mope around doing a Bridgette Jones imitation. After a sleepless night, the morning after we broke up, I booked a trip to Paris. I have never been to Europe, so I thought I might as well take the chance now 
. I booked an apartment there for a week with Feel Paris and am meeting up with a friend who lives in the city from my undergrad.
So – this Singles Awareness Day is about chocolate cookies, a pot of tulips I bought for myself… and lemonade.
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