Rituals the Secular Individualist Way

Img_05442_1  Life is a series of beginnings and endings and rituals are, for the most part, a way to symbolically mark these moments. They have been a part of human culture for tens of thousands of years – the earliest known evidence of burial rituals dates back 20,000 years. Historically they have been associated with organized religion but since many of us North Americans have turned away from that, there is a void when it comes to marking important events in our lives. 

Some of the void has been filled by the educational ritual. It makes sense because education plays a more important role in today’s because of the information economy. Look at the educational coming of age surrounding the graduation from high school and the departure to University and College. Also,  look at the graduation ceremony itself with the traditional gowns and the convocation speeches launching the graduating class into the future. Secular people also venture into ceremonies when it comes to weddings and funerals.

But there are still many things that are left unmarked by ceremony and ritual. The academic and the traditional ones capture the relationships that are official, but most of us have a network of unofficial relationships and events as well. Most of our lives DO NOT only involve our partners, our families, our teachers and our classmates. What about our best friends and our colleagues? What about all of the significant events in our lives that go unmarked such as coming of age or the beginning and end of important relationships other than marriage?

For example, for me and everyone I know, High School or University/College was the place where they transitioned from being kid to being an adult. During that time, we chose our profession, lost our virginity, formed our "tribe" of friends etc. But, in the secular world, other than the "sweet 16" party, we have no ritual connoting the time when we go off into the world and become an adult. In other words, there is no secular bar mitzvah.

This means that when we go off into adulthood, it feels lonely and it is unclear what it means. An idea that my sister and I came up with to resolve this problem is having a party in the summer before each of her three kids go off to high school – marking the change in role that is coming, and supporting them throughout. This is much more broad than just the educational graduation ceremony; it is about the next big life step that they are going to take and the new role that they are going to embark on. 

Weddings are becoming and exaggeratedly important ritual. The wedding industry is booming (the average bride spends $800 on her dress alone) despite the changing role of wives in society. But, with the divorce rate being what it is, why isn’t there any ritual for divorce? I heard of a divorced women shredding all of the documents from her messy proceedings while drinking champagne with her friends – what a way to mark an end!

My friend and I have both recently gone through break-ups in relationships that were very important to us. To get closure, we burned their pictures and threw away their gifts – in fact I threw one of mine off of my apartment balcony, took a digital pic of the demolished item and distributed it to my friends and family. We also "christened"  them with new names (for example "Cheater") so it would be a constant reminder about what ended the relationship. There were also electronic rituals such as blocking them from e-mail, erasing all correspondence and removing them from MSN Instant Messenger.

So – it seems like in the absence of rituals for us secular, individualist folk, some of us are creating our own. As our world keeps changing and evolving, so can the things we put rituals around and how we mark them.

2006
12/23
POSTED BY
Stefanie
CATEGORY
Ideas
Individualism
Social Theory
1 comment

Homepage – Could Rank Lower on Your Priorities

On the site I manage right now, the home page ranks in 5th place. Is that a surprise? It shouldn’t be. Most site owners know that internally everyone wants a piece of the homepage but further analysis may determine that your home page is not as important as people think. I keep telling people that the home page is not that important but no one seems to believe me.

Going to the home page is reflecting the behaviour of the marketers or other people in your organization who may have it bookmarked it or type in the URL directly. To them, it is as if having a banner or promotion on the home page is the same as having a big sign at the front of the store, where all of the customers enter. However, on the web, users can enter from a wide variety of back and side doors – through Google or Live searches, campaign pages or RSS links from other sites for example. So, as you prioritize your development, you should consider how the users are flowing through the site.

How to Put your Homepage into Perspective

Look at your web analytics reports (Omniture, Webtrends, Google Analytics etc) and see where the homepage ranks. You can also check your entry pages. As I said before, right now on the content-site I work on, the homepage is in 5th place behind campaign pages and some articles that rank well on the search engines. This means that more emphasis will be placed on linking from those pages, without being a distraction. On the online job board where I used to work, the home page ranked far behind the search screen and the results screen, so the best cross-promotion opportunities were there.

That being said, if your top page is a campaign page, you may not want to link off of it since it will likely hurt conversions. One good way to cross-promote is to put a dramatic splash about another campaign on the thank-you page. Of course, after you are done with the analysis and the implementation, wash, rinse, repeat – it is time to analyse again! See what the referring pages are to your desired destination pages to see if your promotion was successful.

2006
12/20
POSTED BY
Stefanie
CATEGORY
Analytics
Tips & Hints
Web Marketing
Write comment

International Brides to be Free

Img_05461 A programmer at work is leaving our team and taking the break between jobs to go back to Taiwan. He moved here originally when he was seven. Now in his late-twenties, he is going back for the first time to visit his relatives.

"Tell the truth," said one of my colleagues originally from Vietnam. "You are going back to Taiwan to find a wife! Look at him, tall, good looking, a great job… and a Canadian passport! He will be a hit!!!!"

The 19-year-old co-op student of Chinese background giggled at the passport comment.

"It is funny because it was true," she said. According to her, Canadian men are bringing back Asian wives "all of the time".

She knows a 20-year-old guy who went to China and brought back an 18 year-old wife. He quit school and started a small business to support her. He is average looking,where she is gorgeous – from what the co-op student told us, her looks were clearly her "assets" in that relationship. During the conversation, it was if we were in a Jane Austin novel where the only chance at success for women was through marriage. We were just joking, but it felt like the joke was on these International women, and Canadian men were just taking advantage of them.

Further, according to my colleagues, many of the women who choose this route simply go into having babies right away – since they don’t have job skills or English skills. Getting married to improve social status is one of the oldest stories in the book for women, but somehow the difference in power (1st world vs. 3rd world, English speaking vs. non-English speaking, working vs. non-working) is disheartening to me.

Then we started talking about Filipino nannies. I brought up a story of a co-worker’s brother who made his nanny work six days a week and only paid her only $60/week plus room and board. Meanwhile descent daycare in Toronto costs $60 + dollars a day. This is an example of International women using nurturing "assets" to get ahead but getting taken advantage of in the process. It doesn’t exactly seem like the "Canadian Dream" replete with hope and potential.

That being said, my best friend’s mother started as a Filipino nanny and is now a nurse and a pillar of her community with two very successful daughters. One of whom is a writer and has her third-level black-belt in Jiu Jitsu (and just happens to be very beautiful as well). This is an example of someone who got her foot in the door based on her nurturing "assets", giving her a chance to make a better life for herself and her family.

As a business women, I too use all of my "assets" to get ahead. In my mid-twenties, I got into meetings that my male colleagues would never have a chance to go to since some of the PhDs we were pitching to liked to "look at me". Also, look at the female singers from Madonna to Diana Krall who use their sexuality to sell hits. So… why would it make me uncomfortable to hear of these international women doing the same?

So during that lunch-time conversation I proposed a new option for these international wives and nannies. After the programmer’s new Taiwanese bride used her marriage status to come to Canada, she could come to my apartment where I would empower her.

"Yes…" I would coach her,  "you can make your own life here. No… you don’t have to listen to everything your husband says. Yes… you can use your mind, your passion and your strength as well as your attractiveness and nurturing to get ahead."

I could give her lessons on English since that is the greatest predictor of success as an immigrant. I could teach her how to go to school or to become an entrepreneur. Then the joke is not on her, it is on the people who do not see her potential.

2006
12/16
POSTED BY
Stefanie
CATEGORY
Ideas
Social Theory
Women
Write comment

Top 4 Tips for Young Women Entering Business

Are you brand new into the workforce? It is not the same as you think… The school to office jump was a huge culture shock for me, especially since my first job was in a very traditional manufacturing environment. I went from the academic world where everyone was treated as equals, to a place where men and women were thought of as very different specimens.

I was at an especially large disadvantage since I went business school, and I had any conceptions about how work-life "should be". Now I know that the lessons I learned in management and organizational behavior classes were theory and best practices, not a primer about what the workplace is actually like. Here are a few tips that I wish someone gave me before entering the workforce:

1. Don’t be surprised if men are overly-enthralled – Even average looking women who are not used to it can get much more sexual attention than they ever received before. Why? Youth is still considered by most men to be more attractive – whether you agree with it or not, it is a fact. You can use this to your advantage. For example you can get a business male mentor who will spend a lot of time with you and give you advice because he simply likes spending time with you. Of course if he does hit on you, never, ever give in to the advances. Also don’t forget that looks are temporary and a new batch of younger women than you will soon come along. You want to use your looks to build your skills for the future instead of relying exclusively on them.

2. Use your looks to your advantage, but don’t rely on them - Even though you can use your looks to your advantage, don’t rely on them exclusively. I will never forget being pitched for ad space by these two women working for an industry trade journal. My boss made it clear that I was the decision-maker but he and another male executive sat in to listen in to the pitch. The two pretty sales reps looked like they were from an 80s music video, with miniskirts and fluffed hair, rather than being professionally dressed. They did not address me directly or offer me any good ideas for my product release, but were instead pandering to and flirting with the men.

This was a mistake. We wanted exposure we were an easy sell since their circulation was good within our tight-knit industry. But I didn’t go for them because I didn’t think they would listen to me and be a good partner with me. So – I instead invested more into a soft-spoken man who had all kinds of great ideas about how to launch my products and who shared ideas with me. If women only rely our sexuality, we keep the men in the decision-maker’s seat since our sexual appeals don’t work on other women.

3. Don’t become an "expert" in the photocopier – This also goes for applications like PowerPoint, Excel and Word or even for washing all of the coffee mugs in the sink. As a women in business, people still try to put me into an administrator role. When I started as a Marketing Analyst, I remember the group that managed the reception desk asking me to share in the duties (the men were not asked) and I politely declined. Even in my first Marketing Manager role, the couriers would come to my office with packages, assuming I was there to sign them in, rather than the man in the office beside me, or the men in the cubicles all around my office.

I have heard of other companies where mass-e-mails were sent to the women-only (and not the men) to take over the receptionist’s duties while she went on breaks. Although it is good to have team spirit, it is better to contribute in other ways such as by being exceptional in your own role, being part of a community relations or fundraising committee, helping colleagues through business problems or having a special skill. You want to become an expert, or a trusted advisor in these roles, rather than being an expert at the administrator role.

4. Don’t be hurt by words – Although you may see some things in your new work place clash with your values, the worst thing that you can do for yourself is to be hurt by words. Examples are sexist comments, or making fun of homosexuals. I have seen women who get offended by something and respond with just an angry stare or worse simply turning away. This reaction is traditional and passive.

In business you want to be strong and capable – not weak. You want to show that you in the game and not afraid to stand up for what you believe in. So – instead of being hurt, be strong back to the person saying it with a sarcastic comment "what, are we suddenly back in the 50s?" or just be straightforward about it "actually my sister is gay". If we are hurt by words instead of standing up for what we believe in, we are not moving forward our cause.

2006
12/16
POSTED BY
Stefanie
CATEGORY
Business
Tips & Hints
Women
Write comment

I’m On the Run from the Killer B’s

B for Belief. B for Belonging. The B's that lead to most of the killing in the world. If you don't Belong among us, then you're our inferior, our enemy, or both. And you can't Belong among us if you don't Believe what we Believe. Maybe not even then, but it certainly helps. Our religion, our party, our tribe, our town, our school, our race. Believe. Belong. Behave. Or Be Damned.

Tom Robbins

43 Things