One Red Hot Country Mama!

I remember seeing Angelina Jolie on a late-night TV show years ago talking about her odd relationship with Billy-Bob Thorton (do you remember the thing about them holding vials of each other’s blood around their necks?).  She also told a story about how she tried to hire a hit-man to kill her, making it easier for her loved ones to cope with the loss of her than if she committed suicide. I remember thinking that she was very beautiful, but also very lost. I never pictured her as someone who would help the world to the extent that she is today.

In 2001, she  became a United Nations High Commission for Refugees Ambassador (UNHCR), and has traveled to over 20 countries meeting refugees. On the UNHCR site, you can see her missions, journals and activities in the news. Here is a quote from one of her missions in New Delhi, India talking to some Burmese refugees:

"It’s very upsetting to hear about the persecution the refugees have endured," Jolie said. After a conversation with two Burmese women, one shyly told Jolie: "You look like an actress." Added the second one: "Are you a film star?"

"That’s why I am in India, making a film," Jolie replied, "but I came up to Delhi just to visit with you. I am honored to be able to meet you. You are very strong women. You are amazing."

In this video, you can see her break into tears at the thought of a refugee boy who could not be saved. I find it inspiring that she uses her fame to bring visibility to this important issue. Also, she kills the stereotype that beautiful women don’t have substance. Instead, she uses her beauty (one of the reasons that she is famous) to help suffering people in the world. Her fame and visibility make the rest of the world pay attention to these issues instead of forgetting and falling into easy complacency. I remember Brad Pitt saying something like "if cameras are going to follow us around everywhere anyway, they might as well be showing Africa too".

By putting aside her emotional issues, getting out of bad relationships, becoming a Mom and helping the world, Angelina is redefining what it means to go from a girl to a woman. Even in a world where females do not want to get older, and many want to stay young forever, Angelina’s version shows the strength and compassion that can come with maturity.   

I was perusing around the bookstore last night and saw that Dr. Phil’s wife, Robin Mcgraw has a book out called Inside My Heart. I picked it up, read the back, and saw that it mentioned her husband quite a few times for example:

She shares with you the life-changing moments of her childhood years, dating and marrying Dr. Phil McGraw, raising two sons, and asserting herself as a woman in a man’s world to show you that you have the power to make choices in your life.

Does Dr. Phil have "dating and marrying Robin" as a key point on the back of his books? No. I sincerely doubt that Robin would be on the New York Times Bestsellers if it wasn’t for her husband’s career. So – there it is. Dr. Phil is a famous psychologist and author with several books, and Robin is a mini-version of that success with one book.

There is also Heather Reisman, the CEO of Chapters/Indigo, which is a beloved book chain here in Canada. She is married to businessman Gerald Schwartz, Chair and CEO of Onex Corporation. If it wasn’t for Gerald buying out Chapters a few years ago, it is doubtful that Heather would be where she is today. Meanwhile, she is trumpeted as one of the great Canadian women in business. But really, she is just a derivative of her husband’s success… she is his sidekick, his "buddy".

I am not saying that these women are not hard-workers or that they are not talented. I just think that they would not be where they are without their husband’s successes… so Robin for example, is the "first wife" of pop-psychology rather than standing on her own.

This phenomenon is portrayed in too many movies to mention – where the men are the main characters, and the woman is a smaller sidekick/love-interest. In fact, I read somewhere that one reason why women in movies are so small, skinny and usually play supporting roles is because they are seen as "a buddy" to the man, and not stealing the spotlight from him by being stronger or smarter. What kind of role-model is this for young women? 

The great news is… there are many more role models – great women who do not have derivative success. They  are strong unto themselves… and an inspiration to women everywhere. I believe that these are the ones that should be celebrated and held up as examples. Some that inspire me are: Xerox CEO Anne Mulcahy, Joni Mitchell (for writing her own songs and inspiring tons of musicians), Oprah Winfrey, Martha Stewart, Ani DiFranco, Madonna, my sister Lara, my friend Lori in Vancouver etc. These are just the ones I can think of this morning. They crashed up against the world’s challenges and came out on top, instead of needing to ride on the coat-tails of a man… or needing to be smaller, skinnier and in a supporting role. They are happy to steal the spotlight.

That being said, 99% of CEOs are still men and 90% of Receptionists and Admin Assistants are still women, representing the top and bottom of the corporate ladder. So it’s not saying that "if only these women tried harder, they could be Oprahs too". It is also not saying that they are inherently not capable. So… what is it saying?

Are you brand new into the workforce? It is not the same as you think… The school to office jump was a huge culture shock for me, especially since my first job was in a very traditional manufacturing environment. I went from the academic world where everyone was treated as equals, to a place where men and women were thought of as very different specimens.

I was at an especially large disadvantage since I went business school, and I had any conceptions about how work-life "should be". Now I know that the lessons I learned in management and organizational behavior classes were theory and best practices, not a primer about what the workplace is actually like. Here are a few tips that I wish someone gave me before entering the workforce:

1. Don’t be surprised if men are overly-enthralled – Even average looking women who are not used to it can get much more sexual attention than they ever received before. Why? Youth is still considered by most men to be more attractive – whether you agree with it or not, it is a fact. You can use this to your advantage. For example you can get a business male mentor who will spend a lot of time with you and give you advice because he simply likes spending time with you. Of course if he does hit on you, never, ever give in to the advances. Also don’t forget that looks are temporary and a new batch of younger women than you will soon come along. You want to use your looks to build your skills for the future instead of relying exclusively on them.

2. Use your looks to your advantage, but don’t rely on them - Even though you can use your looks to your advantage, don’t rely on them exclusively. I will never forget being pitched for ad space by these two women working for an industry trade journal. My boss made it clear that I was the decision-maker but he and another male executive sat in to listen in to the pitch. The two pretty sales reps looked like they were from an 80s music video, with miniskirts and fluffed hair, rather than being professionally dressed. They did not address me directly or offer me any good ideas for my product release, but were instead pandering to and flirting with the men.

This was a mistake. We wanted exposure we were an easy sell since their circulation was good within our tight-knit industry. But I didn’t go for them because I didn’t think they would listen to me and be a good partner with me. So – I instead invested more into a soft-spoken man who had all kinds of great ideas about how to launch my products and who shared ideas with me. If women only rely our sexuality, we keep the men in the decision-maker’s seat since our sexual appeals don’t work on other women.

3. Don’t become an "expert" in the photocopier – This also goes for applications like PowerPoint, Excel and Word or even for washing all of the coffee mugs in the sink. As a women in business, people still try to put me into an administrator role. When I started as a Marketing Analyst, I remember the group that managed the reception desk asking me to share in the duties (the men were not asked) and I politely declined. Even in my first Marketing Manager role, the couriers would come to my office with packages, assuming I was there to sign them in, rather than the man in the office beside me, or the men in the cubicles all around my office.

I have heard of other companies where mass-e-mails were sent to the women-only (and not the men) to take over the receptionist’s duties while she went on breaks. Although it is good to have team spirit, it is better to contribute in other ways such as by being exceptional in your own role, being part of a community relations or fundraising committee, helping colleagues through business problems or having a special skill. You want to become an expert, or a trusted advisor in these roles, rather than being an expert at the administrator role.

4. Don’t be hurt by words – Although you may see some things in your new work place clash with your values, the worst thing that you can do for yourself is to be hurt by words. Examples are sexist comments, or making fun of homosexuals. I have seen women who get offended by something and respond with just an angry stare or worse simply turning away. This reaction is traditional and passive.

In business you want to be strong and capable – not weak. You want to show that you in the game and not afraid to stand up for what you believe in. So – instead of being hurt, be strong back to the person saying it with a sarcastic comment "what, are we suddenly back in the 50s?" or just be straightforward about it "actually my sister is gay". If we are hurt by words instead of standing up for what we believe in, we are not moving forward our cause.