Then I saw Matt with no jacket on as the freezing rain poured on him, with him holding it in his arms instead. When he opened up the jacket, bright blonde AJ was in there smiling at me with his brightest smile with heat emanating from him, and I knew they were both okay.

2011 was discovering that I could have a family. I grew up in a hospital with the Doctors and Nurses playing with me while my Mum visited my very sick father. 30 years ago my Dad, a very tall, intense, intellectual guy, died after a gruelling battle with Malignant Melanoma. I missed him so much. The rest of my family could not really be there for me so I did a lot for myself. I spent a lot of my life feeling on the outside. I had friends who loved me a lot, but I missed having a family in tact.

But now even I can have a family of love and support. I have this extraordinary guy who is wise and knowing and makes me laugh so much and loves me for me – even though I sometimes don’t understand why. I wish I could.

In 2011 I realized that I loved the exhausting bone-tired marathon that is being a Mom. It is the biggest surprise of my life. Before I thought it would be just piles of laundry and boringness in general but it is so rewarding and full of love. At my most tired – he will smile at me and energize me like nothing before. I am so lucky that I can do my work from home, and spend so much time with our special guy.

For 2012, there are going to be a lot of changes ahead. We realized small-town life is not for us and we are making a move back to the urban life where we belong. I am also making some positive changes in my work. I am and will always be an entrepreneur, but it needs tweaking. I just want to fill my life with more positivity and love. And more people too so AJ can grow up with lots of role models and we can have more fun. Thank you to those who have made this ride so great this year, here is to an amazing year in 2012.

• Not all entrepreneurs are these amazing inspirational people. Some people are entrepreneurs because they cannot get a regular job, or they can’t stick with one. I went into it with this idealized view of people who chose the independent route, not realizing that many are there because they have no other choice, and many are totally not inspirational at all. Also, a lot of entrepreneurs idolize large companies, rather than seeing small enterprises as the best.
• Employees will never care about your business as much as you do. No matter how good someone is in interviews or discussions about a job, they will never be as invested. I realized that it is much better to work with complimentary and equal people, rather than having a full-time employee.
• It is not impossible to do business with friends and family, but it can complicate the relationship. Although it is fun to work with friends at first, it can be challenging as well in terms of maintaining the friend-side of that relationship.
• As an entrepreneur, you have a lot of freedom, but you also have a lack of security. Even accounts that seem rock-solid for years can change with no warning. It is important to keep your eyes open at all times for new opportunities in case this happens.
• The vast majority of business owners in Canada are white men. If you are thinking of entrepreneurship as a way to change the status quo in terms of our established social hierarchy, it is not that easy.
• Finally, always get payment up-front with new clients! If they are too cheap to pay up-front, you never know if you will get payment later.

So – as you can probably gather, some of these lessons were difficult, YET, I still want to be an entrepreneur. Especially now that my son is born, being a work-from-home person gives me opportunity to be “out there” doing cool stuff, but also, I have time to be with my son as much as possible.

For my next steps, I think I will continue consulting, but mix in other opportunities, such as teaching, developing iPad apps and building a non-profit or a think tank. I want to give back to the world more, and that what is there now is still not enough. Onward we go!

I feel excited, but scared at the same time. I feel like things are changing. Like I am moving on to a new part of life. I’ve never enjoyed the expression “it changed my life”. Because to me, change isn’t always for the better. But in this case, I think it is. I feel like I got into a rut 7-8 years ago, and have spent the last 3 getting out of it.

Anyway reader, if you are still out there, thank you for coming out to play, and I hope to be here again soon.

Last night we went on a walk together, to see the lake steaming and the snow steaming. It was about 10 degrees celcius out, and it was beautiful. It looked all mysterious and full of magic. We looked up and saw a full starry sky – much more brilliant than the usual for the city. We were out with our camera, and saw a few other couples doing the same, but mostly it was deserted.

I wondered – where the heck are all the people? This beauty should not be part of a secret night. People should be out enjoying it too. Yeah, I realize that this sounds no fun and good for you, but it is just such a loss. I remember around the time Nintendo came out, the first really fun game console (I think those who have played Atari and Intellivision agree that it was not nearly as fun) – that was when the kids on my street stopped playing outside.

Have the rest of us done the same? Are we not playing outside anymore? Are we too busy with our glowing screens to see the world outside? I hope not!

I have been a little off lately, and I think that the thing that has upset the applecart, is the fact that I feel like people are misjudging me. Especially nice people who I like. I am on opposite sides to them, and I can’t do anything to change it. In truth, even for people that I DON’T like that much, I still get frustrated that they misjudge or even hate me. But – what can you do? People will be who they want to be, and it is not up to me to correct some sort of cosmic injustice.

It is especially hard when I don’t deserve it. It bothers me. But, so many things in the world don’t make sense anyway. So many things are unfair – slavery, war, inequality based on race or gender. Why would my life be the one safe harbor that was not that way? If people hate me, they can go ahead, have fun. There is nothing that I can do to change their minds anyway. I guess the only thing that I can do is live my own best life, be as kind and helpful as possible and take it from there. What people think of me is their own business, and they can keep it that way.

But it isn’t working out that way.

Lately, I feel as though we are under siege from every angle – personal, family, business etc. This is not just me seeing it this way, it just happens that there is a lot of tension around, not necessarily being directed at me, but affecting me greatly.

It is as though I am in a little car, and the other drivers are dangerous – some are drunk, some are chatting on the cell phone, too busy with their own world to see there is a dangerous world of speed and metal out there and some don’t really know how to drive yet. The cars keep slamming into me, and I try to keep a cheerful disposition, focus on my own car getting to safety and not take it personally. But how can I? I am not safe. And as a result, my driving starts to suck. I start to swerve and weave and dent other innocent drivers too.

So – what am I supposed to do? Part of me just wants to put the music on loud and ignore them all. Part of me wants to fight everyone. To be like some sort of police officer arresting all of the bad guys. Another part of me just wants to get off the road altogether, sell my car and start biking everywhere – the roads are too dangerous.

Some spiritual gurus may say that the reason why I am unhappy, is that I am spending too much time trying to protect what I have, rather then appreciating it and being in the moment with it. But, when I get in the moment of it, and am honest with my feelings, all I can feel is “this sucks”! So maybe the key is to be honest about the fact that it sucks, and move on. Appreciate what I have, and who I love and be done with it. The roads are dangerous out there. Hopefully things will get better when the sun goes up, and it stops raining.