One Red Hot Country Mama!

It has been a wonderful but stressful time lately. I was sitting down to write down my personal goals the other day, and I got stumped. I realized that many of my goals had been attained and put down my pen. As I sit here with my purring cat on my lap, with the man that I love asleep in the next room, and getting e-mail notices from the business that I built, living in an area that I love with a beautiful Christmas tree beside me, I can’t believe it. If someone told me this would be my life a year ago, I would have said “if I have all of those things, there will be nothing to be upset about. I would be nothing but thankful”.

But it isn’t working out that way.

Lately, I feel as though we are under siege from every angle – personal, family, business etc. This is not just me seeing it this way, it just happens that there is a lot of tension around, not necessarily being directed at me, but affecting me greatly.

It is as though I am in a little car, and the other drivers are dangerous – some are drunk, some are chatting on the cell phone, too busy with their own world to see there is a dangerous world of speed and metal out there and some don’t really know how to drive yet. The cars keep slamming into me, and I try to keep a cheerful disposition, focus on my own car getting to safety and not take it personally. But how can I? I am not safe. And as a result, my driving starts to suck. I start to swerve and weave and dent other innocent drivers too.

So – what am I supposed to do? Part of me just wants to put the music on loud and ignore them all. Part of me wants to fight everyone. To be like some sort of police officer arresting all of the bad guys. Another part of me just wants to get off the road altogether, sell my car and start biking everywhere – the roads are too dangerous.

Some spiritual gurus may say that the reason why I am unhappy, is that I am spending too much time trying to protect what I have, rather then appreciating it and being in the moment with it. But, when I get in the moment of it, and am honest with my feelings, all I can feel is “this sucks”! So maybe the key is to be honest about the fact that it sucks, and move on. Appreciate what I have, and who I love and be done with it. The roads are dangerous out there. Hopefully things will get better when the sun goes up, and it stops raining.