One Red Hot Country Mama!

My niece and nephews (ages 6-10) were in Toronto for a little while this weekend, and we all went to a coffee shop together in my neighbourhood (Bloor West Village). This is a coffee shop that I have been frequenting for years – where I used to read the paper cover to cover on Saturday mornings with a strong dose of caffeine. I remember the words would blur and swirl some days since I was often hung over from a night out all night. Somehow the reconnecting with world affairs sobered me up. That all seems so long ago now. I went there last weekend and the guy there asked "where have you been?" because I am less of a regular since the "being cheap" thing started.

On the walk there, I could see the kids looking with wonder at the stores, the crowds and all of the interesting things that were happening between people. Usually I would just see these people as obstacles to where I was going, so it was fun to see it through there eyes – those Italian bike-shop guys, the dollar store, the dogs, the other kids – yeah, I guess it is pretty fun.

So – my sister was downstairs getting some hot chocolate, while my
niece and nephews (between ages 6-10) were all sitting, unsuccessfully trying to look
casual. Within a few minutes my nephews were bouncing on the seat, just like they weren’t supposed to bounce on the couch at home. The oldest one, a budding poet, who can be charming and adult-like, obviously wanted to be more like his 6-year-old brother then. "Shhhh" I said, and tried to get my little niece, the curly-haired chess champion, to join my little initiative to make her brothers look a little bit cooler.

So – I gave them a tip. I told them that when I don’t know what to do in a social situation, I look around at someone else, and I imitate exactly what they are doing. "Do you see anyone bouncing on their chairs?" I asked the youngest, the funny hockey star with bright eyes. "Just him!" he said pointing at his brother.

Soon after, the two boys were imitating a woman who was reading a magazine with her tongue stuck out. They were loud, and gesturing at her. They then took the poses of different people all around the coffee shop – a guy with his newspaper astride his legs, a woman with her nose buried in a book. Suddenly all of the people in the shop looked like interesting characters.

I then took the subway and hung out with a friend who now lives outside of Toronto and took a walk around Queen St. West. I remember coming to Toronto from Ottawa (a much smaller city) and being so amazed at it – but somehow I forgot that feeling until yesterday. I then rushed to my Earth-hour get-together, up Roncensvalles and realized that although it is just a 20 minute walk from my place – I hadn’t walked on the street in three years or so. It was suddenly interesting to see the people, hear the conversations and visit the shops which I had driven past a million times. Something about driving makes you not give things a chance.

Anyway, seeing the city through my nieces, nephew’s and friend’s eyes really helped me love the city more. And I think that is going to stick with me for a while.

The sun on the fruits and vegetables in Chinatown. The oranges stand out like the highlighted portions of a university student’s English notes.

Standing there, looking at the giant mobile of geese. Someone was taking a picture. A person from a smaller town from what I could tell from his hair-cut.

These are a couple of my homework assignments from the writing course I am taking at U of T. We are supposed to go around with home made journals. Some people make them out of bank books, other people just staple a bunch of paper together. It is cute to see the journals come out – they look like the broken toys in Toy Story. We are all recording different things that we see in day-to-day life. What we see, what we say, what we overhear others saying. The theory is that those things can later become great pieces of writing. Every class we read two pages of double-spaced writing to the class – taking the journal exerpts, and also taking inspiration from great authors that we study.

My teacher is an amazing writer named Michael Winter. Never having taken a creative writing course in my life, I was very intimidated by the idea of reading my stuff in public (I guess my decade + of web writing is public, but not the same). Winter, a Newfoundlander  without any sort of ego ax to grind and a very, very creative imagination takes all of the intimidation out of it. There are always feedback sessions, and things that we can improve on, but somehow the feedback is given in such a kind way that it is welcomed. Every week I am seeing my classmates all become better and better writers in their own way. It is actually quite amazing.

It has been a tough winter for me, but my little writing class has been the bright spot.  I have thought a lot about how we learn things. I spent so much time in classes where I was trying to figure out systems and procedures to get good grades with the least effort – but this is different. I don’t want to use the least amount of effort in this class – it is fun to work on the assignments and plan for the next one. It is fun to connect with the other students and hear their inventions. It has awakened something in me – something alive and interesting. Something I lost somewhere among those Accounting courses and working my way through my undergrad Quality Controlling reports at a large multinational consulting firm.

I was afraid that the course would be all about structure and rules and would make me write like a robot, but it wasn’t at all – although I understand from students that do this a lot that that this is an unusually creative creative writing course . I get the feeling that I had beginners luck and found the best possible course on the first try. If you are thinking of taking a course like this… go for it!

I saw the nicest movie ever when I was on the plane from Paris. Totally a tear-jerker. It was about two strangers going through relationship hell, trying to make it work. The leading woman, Zhao Wei, was just the sweetest, gentlest thing ever and the leading man, Masahiro Motoki was very well played as well. Seeing them connect despite the language barrier (she, Chinese, he, Japanese) was somehow one of the most precious things I have ever seen. If you ever feel like you’ll never find love again… watch this film!!! You’ll change your mind!!!

Today, I have had read about two women, one American and one Canadian, who are still saying that women are inferior to men, and we should simply accept it. Well, I am not going to sit there, and let these pathetic women tell my two little nieces that they are inferior to anyone else simply because of their genders. I have to believe, that these two women are arguing this way because they have some sort of self-esteem issue. They have heard the negative messages about women, and they have believed them and now they choose to spread the word, and somehow, they got people to publish their self-loathing. I am not going to offer counter-points, since they are all over the web already – but I will give you links.

1st Place – Female Self-Loathing – Charlotte Allen

Article: We Scream, We Swoon, How Dumb Can We Get?
Published by: The Washington Post
Quotes:
"Depressing as it is, several of the supposed misogynist myths about female inferiority have been proven true."
"I am perfectly willing to admit that I myself am a classic case of
female mental deficiencies. I can’t add 2 and 2 (well, I can, but then
what?). I don’t even know how many pairs of shoes I own."
Counterpoint:
Pandagon – Shorter Charlotte Allen
"She might as well have typed, over and over, “Women suck, oh my god,
women suck, I hate women so much, doesn’t everyone hate women, how can
women not just commit suicide they are so intolerable?” I’m sort of
stunned. She can’t actually think this about women so thoroughly—the
cognitive dissonance between hating women so much and being one would
probably send her babbling to the corner, shaking and rocking, unable
to form complete sentences."

2nd Place – Female Self-Loathing – Susan Pinker

Book: The Sexual Paradox
Published by: Scribner
Book Premise:
"The hormones predominant in men lead to action, focus and, often, to
competitive and rigidly hierarchical professions such as law. Women’s
hormones lead them to focus on empathy and social interaction, and
careers as teachers or social workers. Thus, despite their early
advantages—girls have better language skills and discipline, while boys
are more prone to dyslexia, autism and Asperger syndrome and other
difficulties—women tend not to seek out the highest status or the most
lucrative careers."

Counterpoint
The Vancouver Sun
"She is quick to dismiss gender discrimination as a cause of these
disparities, instead giving examples of attempts that non-traditional
industries have been making to attract women. However, study after
study shows that discrimination is still an important factor in women’s
lack of advancement in non-traditional sectors. In fact, a 2007 report
by the UN’s International Labor Organization found that around the
world, women are hampered by labour discrimination that keeps them from
top positions in their fields."

Conclusion:

“The puzzle is why the idea of sex differences continues to be so controversial,” the New York Times quotes Pinker. To me, it is not saying that men and women that are different that is annoying. It is the idea that women are different than men, and should therefore accept lower pay and lower status. It is especially annoying, since this is coming from women themselves! God – we are still in a revolution here – we can’t give up now when we have come this far! So – you can go ahead and hate yourselves Charlotte and Susan. Me and my nieces are going to love ourselves, keep being ambitious, acknowledge and fight discrimination when we see it and keep shooting for more lucrative careers.