Live Your Life Be Free!

The other night I was out with my boyfriend at a restaurant (right before seeing Cloverfield, which was excellent BTW) and a guy sitting at the next table kept looking at me. Now – I don’t mind when men look at me – usually I take it as a compliment. And, when men hit on me, I am cool with it. Even though I am dating someone now – how are they supposed to know? I was way too chicken to ask people out when I was single – so I respect it as long as it is in good taste which usually it is. But, that night there was a guy who was just staring at me at every chance he could get. I looked at my own shirt to see if anything was hanging out, but it wasn’t. I was just wearing a conservative button down shirt and pants that night (not that it should make a difference anyway).

Also, my boyfriend and I are pretty affectionate with each other, so it was strange that this guy did not get the hint. As the looks continued, I tried to make it clear that I was not interested in him with body language, but to no avail.

So – I asked my boyfriend to please turn around and glare at the guy, so he would stop. But, it didn’t make a difference. He kept staring and staring all the way through dessert. At the end of the dinner my boyfriend (so I heard second-hand from him, I was around the corner by then) went up to the starer and stood closely to him and stared at him while saying nothing. The starer’s friends started to notice, and he said “can I help you?”, my boyfriend said “let me ask you a question, do you like being stared at?” the guy said no to which he replied “keep that in mind” and he walked out the door. The guy was clearly embarrassed.

I am not making a big deal out of this little vignette – a guy like that is so common that it is not even worth a story (even on a blog !)– except for the sweet and colorful reaction from my boyfriend. But, there have been a few incidents in the past year… a guy not leaving me alone in the 24-hour-grocery-store parking lot then following my car home  after I was picking up cat food for example. Don’t I have the right to go and get cat food after a late night working for god’s sake?

As women, we tend to think that there is this unknown, dangerous presence around as though it was a natural phenomenon… but really, they are just men. And calling them on it and making them feel embarrassed takes the power away from the feeling of helplessness that a woman can feel. Obviously, I could not call the guy in the parking lot for safety reasons – but my boyfriend’s heroic effort at the bar the other night was a good example. But sadly, even when the situation isn’t particularly dangerous, we are just to passive and nice (esp Canadians) to do anything about it.

Disarming that dangerous presence would take a humongous effort and a radical change in our gender roles… but imagine what the world would be like if a woman could feel safe wherever she went… even to a restaurant or a grocery store.