Together but not Together
I was on the subway, tired, on the way out to the West end of Toronto where I live, and, oh no, a shirtless homeless guy with a Santa hat came into the car. Most people in Toronto know him, known as "Santa-Man". He walks around downtown, with his shirt off, flexing his muscles to anyone who will pay attention. He makes sounds with his mouth, interspersing it with commentary about passers-by. He calls me "princess".
So, that day, he was on the subway in my car and announced:
"EVERYONE, put down your books! Look at the person beside you and ask them how their day went!"
Of course, as can be expected, we all ignored him and feigned an even more intense focus on our books or whatever. And, eventually he got off of the car.
But, he had a point. The people on Toronto subways, streets, work-places etc. are very much focused on everything except the environment they are in at the time. I looked around my subway car today, and there was me and three others with iPods, a couple reading a paper together, a woman playing some kind of electronic Sudoku and a half-dozen with paper-backs or class-room laser print-outs.
So – we were all there but not really there. Add cell-phones and Blackberries to the mix, and we are all totally together physically, but somewhere else mentally. I saw a guy with a piano keyboard and headphones on the other day at Starbucks composing music on his Mac. Wow.
I recently bought an iPod, and I am loving it. All of the tedious things in life, like waiting rooms, daily-park-running, line-ups and walking around town are all now enhanced by my favorite songs ever… New Order, Jewel, John Lennon, Liz Phair and so many others.. these make up the sound-track of my life. So – I realize that when I have my little white headphones in that I am only half-present… but oh what a delightful half-present it is.
I am also guilty of tuning out the mundane and tuning into my own ipod world. really it’s just coincidence that you are together with strangers — how important is it to “be here now” if nobody else has the desire… and the likelihood is that nothing will come of your efforts. priorities dictate we spend our time on what is important — that is how you can be fine and have a nice day
I say hi to the same homeless guy every morning. He actually sweeps the sidewalk and parking lot where he stands each day! Funny story… I don’t usually give money to the guys but I try to help this old guy out.
I give him a buck or two every few weeks – not regularly. He usually says “hey buddy, got a quarta?” One time, I gave him 20 bucks on Thanksgiving… the next morning, he said:
“Hey buddy, gotta twenty?” We both laughed for about five minutes.
I’m not sure what the day would be like if I didn’t see him each morning. I don’t think he drinks, I usually see him with a bottle of water. I genuinely think he’s just an old guy that ran out of luck.
This was a great post. So true. The homeless guy on the subway could clearly see that everyone is so detached because he doesn’t have the cell phone, blackberry etc. etc. I have all the ‘communication stuff’—but wouldn’t it be interesting how different we would all be if none of this existed.
After checking out at the grocery line I have thought to myself— that the cashier and I never made eye contact. Or maybe she/he did with me but I can’t remember what they looked like. Now, I make a point to always look them in the eye and make note of what they look like and what mood they seem to be in. I feel like most of the world including myself is in the mode of “enough about me…let’s talk more about me.” So anyway I’m trying to look around more and pull myself away from…me.
Stephanie