One Red Hot Country Mama!

Q. Who is Dr. Phil?

A. He is a fat guy giving diet advice!

In my management role at work, I am frequently asked for advice. I am a competent advice-giver there, since I have been in industry long enough and I have had pushed a number of product releases and campaigns to success. So basically I have been in many situations before and I have had wins so people naturally come to me. That makes sense.

But when it comes to relationship advice and me – big mistake – stay away from me! Since in relationships I have about an 80 IQ and frequently screw up. Nevertheless, I keep getting asked, so I give some advice that I read somewhere… or some conventional wisdom. Basically, it is terrible advice and no one should listen to a word of it… it’s kind of like when Britany Spears used to talk about politics.

So – friends, family and well-meaning people everywhere are always giving and receiving relationship advice… but why do we take it? I recently screwed up a great situation I had with a guy through listening to advice. Instead of questioning my advice-giver’s credentials ie. "how is this person in relationships – is she worth listening to?" or "if I follow this advice I will end up being similar to this person, do I want that?" I just followed it and ended up hurting this poor guy and hurting myself!

Marketers are also big advice-writers, where people have a variety of problems, and all solutions point to your product (think about all of those free recipes that involve Jello and Coolwhip in a variety of forms). It is also funny that the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus was read and quoted by even physicians and PhDs I know, but the author John Grey received his PhD through correspondance at a non-accredited University. There is also all kinds of ‘great’ <<sarcastic tone>> advice going around in the blogosphere and news groups.

In business, we have all been in situations where management has made sweeping changes that does not make sense. In defense of the managers, it is really difficult for them to know the inticracies of every role, and a good practice suggested by people like Jim Collins is to work closely with the people actually doing the job to make effective change, instead of strictly working with theories or listening only to what their managers say. It sounds obvious – but in consulting circles obviousness often gets clouded – too much advice!

It gets me thinking, that really all of this advice is not helpful. Like the workers who know their jobs more than anybody else, each person knows themself, and their own situation the best. Because after all, I have lived with myself my whole life, and I have been there for every second of the situation in which I need advice on. Everyone else has an informational disadvantage.

So – really I think there are three main questions to ask when taking advice:

1. Q. Does this person have authority (credentials/track record) to give this advice specifically? A. Think about how your friend’s relationship looks before following her advice!
2. Q. Does this person have a vested interest in me making a decision one way or the other? A. Your boss is telling you to stay in your job forever because it is good for him, not you!
3. Q. Is there a good reason why this person would know better than me? A. Even if they are an expert in their field, they have not been with you your whole life and they have not experienced the nuances of the situation! 

So… that’s my advice .