Dumping King of the Castle – Part I
I was talking to my 7-year-old niece the other day about what the kids are now-a-days doing for fun on the playground in the winter. After talking about sliding and throwing snow, we got to one of my favorites – the snow castle. NB for those who live in warmer places – this is a big structure created by kids, where they take snow that is usually piled up by a plow cleaning up the street or the schoolyard and create it into a fort.
I asked my niece about her experience with the snow fort, but she said she stays away from it. "Usually there is a boy there who bosses everyone around. It is always a Grade 3" she said with downcast eyes (she is in Grade 1). Then I remembered, that yes, usually there was a kid who would try to be "King of the Castle" who would stand on or near the top of the fort and boss everyone else around, ruining all of the sculpting and creative architecture that can take place, and turning people into his little slaves.
I almost blurted out "that is why your Aunt isn’t married, because she hates Kings of the Castle – she wants to do her own thing". But I resisted since I don’t want to sound jaded in front of my special little niece… although the thought crossed my mind over and over again. Author Ann Lamott expresses her dislike of being bossed by a man that she is living with beautifully and I will paraphrase: "I don’t want big foot stomping around with the TV blaring asking me what time dinner will be on the table". It is the same way that I feel. I lived with that dominating man in my mid-twenties and although I don’t relish living alone, I will never go back to a life like that.
Kings of the Castle are not only in domestic life, but they are also in the work place. They are the ones that sap all of the spirit out of projects, and choose a domination role instead of a leadership one. It is the man who will take over the more fun strategic and visible parts of the project, and order everyone else to do their parts to his exact instructions as if they were machines… instead of allowing everyone to contribute in their own unique way and only giving them visibility if something goes wrong. It is the woman (a Queen of the Castle which is in my experience a rarer occurance than a King) who will refuse to let there be any debate or discussion, and will force her opinion on everyone, even if it is not the best course of action or it doesn’t even make sense.
So – in the school yard, I am sure there are kids who will be engineers and architects, and who can envision incredible new ways to build the castles. There are also kids who are artists, and can think of neat ways to decorate the castle with sculptures or designs. There are also natural leaders (instead of dominators) who could bring out the best in people. But somehow, the King of the Castle is on top so no one can show their true talent. Yes, there are ways to dispose of the King, but rarely does it happen. Instead most people just do what my niece does – play somewhere else.
Since in the work place that is usually not an option, most people just check out emotionally and psychologically, becoming the King’s drones instead of contributing to their highest extent. How can we get around the King without becoming a drone? I want to know too. I will do some research and some living and write it in a later post… once I figure it out.
Wow, that brings back memories. We made snow castles all the time in MI.
I need to get my kids up into the snow more often – It doesn’t snow much in Los Angeles.
It’s been my experience, especially in the workplace to have to deal with many more “Queen of the Castle” than Kings.
I’ve lived with one King at home, and let me tell ya, I’d much rather be single than ever go back to that. That was a long time ago when I was much more sheltered, and didn’t stand up for myself as I do these days.
Great post!
Aww, I lived in a warm place all my life, so I never got to make Snow Castles. It looks like a lot of fun, though.
Have you seen two or more people try to be King of the Castle on a project at work? It really almost feels like Grade 3 all over again =).
Perhaps that’s why so many people dream of starting their own companies, or doing freelance work. But until that happens, I’d appreciate any secrets on how to get around the King!
“That was a long time ago when I was much more sheltered, and didn’t stand up for myself as I do these days.” – NetChick – I had the same experience. Just like any bully, once they know that you are going to stand up for yourself, they scurry away like the insecure losers that they are.
“Have you seen two or more people try to be King of the Castle on a project at work? It really almost feels like Grade 3 all over again =).”
RoundDot – I have seen this – and it is actually good because they are keeping each other busy with bossing each other around while the rest of us are actually getting stuff done!